When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started... ************************************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started... ***********************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years a go and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife , 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
'My God!' says my wife , 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started... ***********************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah well, I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
*******************************************************************
HOPE EVERYBODY HAS A GREAT WEEKEND!!
5 comments:
I laughed my ass off at the last one!!
There were some good ones there...yes I laughed out loud!
Karen.... in response to your message on my blog...these are things you will want to bring: 1) sissors 2) screw driver (not the kind that include oj), pliers, hammer 3) tape 4) light bulb for desk lamp 5) batteries. Just a few things we thought to bring and a few we didn't. Good luck and happy move in day. :)
Ok..the dwarf one made me laugh the most..BUT we laughed out loud at ALL of them.
Adding to Denise comment, she needs a white sheet for her toga:-)
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